I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
