And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
