I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
