Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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