Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
