I love black thongs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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