you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
