saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
