I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
