Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
