I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
