A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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