life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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