nut hugger
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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