i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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