College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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