You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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