Sry I called you an 8
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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