I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
