On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
