i would punch a child for taco bell
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking