the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text