Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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