Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.