he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related