I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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