after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
