got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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