she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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