What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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