I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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