sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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