You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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