I am spending my child support on dildos
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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