I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
