And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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