smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
