um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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