she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is wine microwaveable?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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