One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
