oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
