When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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