We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
