just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
