I murdered the dance floor call the cops
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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