So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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