All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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