So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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