He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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