i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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