On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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