i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
