I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
