Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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