At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
