Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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