My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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