So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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