I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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