i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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