I'm going to jail i love you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
