At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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