This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
