Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
