okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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