If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
