so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
