I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
