:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
