he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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