thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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