just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
