it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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