drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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