textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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