I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone came in the potted fern
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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