our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
