:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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