i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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