Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
