You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
