i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
