If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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