We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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