i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
