Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
