did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
