My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.